...on my own road from 'then' to now, I see a lot of bodies kicked to the curb, just left lying there. The count is inordinately high (to me, anyway) and I wonder how much was/is my fault for whatever it was that happened to justify leaving so many people behind?
But I've grown too tired to remember the details, and too old to care much anymore. It's water under the bridge, and too late anyway to do anything to correct past mistakes.
Each person has their own story to tell as to why, what happened, who said what to whom, as well as their own share of hurt feelings, perceived or real "unforgivable" insults, and all the other nonsense that goes into our daily interactions with friends, family, co-workers, strangers...nonsense that, in the end, will amount to nothing but "a hill of beans" once we leave this awful world, fraught with every kind of danger, heartache and betrayal.
Do I wish I could go back and start over? Yes, oh YES...there are days of aching regret, growing periods of mourning for what could (or should) have been, so many missed opportunities...but if I had the chance to go back, I'd want to stay there and never move forward, knowing the crushing disappointments that lay ahead.
JFK famously said "Life is not fair." And so it is not. As people like to point out "there are people who have it much worse," something I know. These moments of reflection and sadness are not self-pity lamentations, just an assessment of facts about a life not very well lived, and shifting the conversation to "others who have it much worse" is cold comfort when all a person may need is a virtual, verbal hug.
I always loved Sinatra's song, 'Cycles'..."So I'm down and so I'm out, but so are many others..." And Alfie never did answer the question, "What's it all about," did he?
I wonder how many of my generation are still looking for the answer, because I'm still searching, with very little luck.
