"Good writing is economy of words" ~ Ernest Hemingway
So is good conversation.
Bananas because my ears need SOME kind of protection from the daily onslaught of TMI* and ear muffs just don't cut it, especially during summer. (Don't even MENTION 'ear pods' or I may lunge at you...) I'll just stick a couple nature's perfect fruit in both ears and say "I can't hear you, there are bananas in my ears."
Pardon the profanity, but in my old age, I spend most days just wanting to scream SHUT THE FUCK UP! to every single person who's passed the time limit for civilized conversation. Jesus H. Christ, by the time some people are finished talking, my ears feel like they're oozing blood!
What, do you ask, is the "time limit for civilized conversation"? Well, when you feel the phone start sliding down your face because you have begun sweating profusely but don't want to hurt the caller's feelings by telling them you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I'd say that's a good way to start. For me, 20-30 minutes is my Personal Perspiration Point. (I should set the timer so the DING! will sound in the background which means "Okay, gotta go now! Love you, but I've had enough! Later!")
I was never really a "telephone person," too impatient to hang around in one spot for interminable amounts of time. With the invention of the cordless telephone, that excuse went right into the dumpster. I don't like speaker-phone conversations, they really hurt my ears. See, the problem with speaker-phones is that the sound is cut off as long as the person using one is talking, so every time you attempt to interject a thought, it goes unheard, which can be frustrating to the max. So I'm pretty much screwed these days unless I dump the phone altogether and go back to carrier pigeon or even better, Pony Express.
I continue to resist the Official Ruin of Modern Civilization ~ the almighty, stupid-ass, cancer-causing cell phone ~ simply because I don't WANT one. I don't have kids, and even if I did and they were old enough to be on their own, who gives a shit? Leave a message and I'll get back to you when I'm home. I mean, seriously...you're in your car driving, and your kid calls with some HORRIBLE news, what are you going to do? Stop at the nearest (non-existent) phone booth, don your Superman/Wonder Woman costume and FLY to their aid? Or, more likely, have an accident yourself because you just received news that froze your brain cells, wreaking even more havoc on innocent people?
As for anyone else who seeks my attention, I have an old-fashioned thing called an answering machine. It works very well...you leave a message and, upon my return home (and/or when I am comfortable and ready to talk) I call you back. See? Simple. Prior to answering machines, we just had to WAIT until a) the phone was not busy or b) somebody was home to answer it. Even simpler.
And then there is my new (and preferred way) to communicate, the 'virtual candy store' facebook (one of my few concessions to technology) which allows conversation without having to hear or speak, and the option to sign off any time you want.
Old age has also reduced my Daily Call(s) Tolerance Level. Two healthy conversations, earlier (not later) in the day and I'm pretty much done.
For a person who hears the human voice as the sound of chalk screeching on blackboard, that ain't bad, that ain't bad at all.
*too much information
