CHICLET TEETH, TRANSVAGINAL MESH AND BOUNCING BLADDERS

Lately, it seems like the pharmaceutical industry is going absolutely bonkers with new products (which generate new, and quite unusual lawsuits) and either too-much-information and/or ridiculous commercials featuring an animated bouncing bladder (boing!) complete with skinny arms and legs to accompany its poor sufferer, as it's pushing the latest drug for leaky bladders.

Does anyone really believe that whiter-than-white teeth are in the least bit convincing? "Wow, your teeth are just gleaming! Did you include them in your last laundry load of bleached whites?"

But if you happen to have a filling or some other imperfection in your old teeth, guess what? When your post-yellow teeth resemble a new  package of peppermint Chiclets, those old problems kind of resemble the above photograph...snow white with your very own unique pattern of discolored polka dots mixed in.

As for transvaginal mesh lawsuits, please! I don't even want to know what that's about. But, along with Big Pharma's relentless commercials, every greedy law firm in America is bound and determined to inform every last one of us exactly what it is.

Aside from yellow/white teeth, I am not, in any way, shape or form, making light of the very real problems of transvaginal mesh deterioration (is that what it's about??) and faulty bladder issues. However, these snippy-snappy, blunt, in-your-face days really cause me to long for a time when such things were only discussed in the privacy of a physician's office, and not obnoxiously advertised on television every single commercial break.

Archie Bunker had a point as he cried out "AW, JEEZ!" whenever a delicate subject matter was embarrassingly brought up in mixed company.

I just feel sorry for parents who watch TV with their kids these stupid TMI days. "Mommy, can I have a bouncing bladder for Christmas? And can my Barbie Doll be fitted with deteriorating transvaginal mesh so Ken can be a lawyer and we can play make-believe court lawsuits??"

No! But go chew some Chiclets and wait for your teeth to turn make-believe white.

AW, JEEZ!!!

I'M OLDER THAN YOU, I DON'T NEED YOUR ADVICE!!

If you happen to be born with a sibling already in existence prior to your arrival, particularly a sibling who may be just a tad on the demented side, chances are you may have been on the receiving end of those endearing words.

You may have also been the recipient of unsolicited (and unwelcome) advice too many times to count.

Ever notice how that very same sibling just gushes, like a newly discovered oil well, with advice they never seem to heed themselves?

That brilliant battle cry is "I'M OLDER THAN YOU, I DON'T NEED YOUR ADVICE!" 

Say what? Since when does a few extra years on this planet automatically (and permanently) make the younger child the dumb one in need of 'mature' guidance and the older one oh-so-much-wiser? Perhaps in the early years when a tiny and vulnerable brain has not yet matured and gained the ability to come to its own conclusions. But decades later? Something is seriously amiss here...

Age does not necessarily equal wisdom, as so many of us have discovered in our journey through this thing called life. Wisdom is earned ~ through every experience of misguided trust, a broken heart, shattering disappointments ~ as well as the many positive adventures that eventually combine to make a human being the sum total of their parts. And whatever the road taken to arrive at that final destination, it is a road best traveled alone for the most part, not with an older brother or sister negatively interfering every step of the way.

So, for every older and know-it-all sibling out there, you may want to consider the words of Bob Dylan:

"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now..." 

And if that doesn't make sense to you, here's another Bob Dylan quote:

"Go away from my window, leave at your own chosen speed. I'm not the one you want, babe, I'm not the one  you need..." 

Time to rewind your own tape and start all over again!