For as long as I can remember, there was always a part of me that shied away from such gatherings; it was almost too much for my heart to bear.
There are some of us who feel so deeply, even a joyful occasion can bring tears to our eyes and touch an exquisite pain buried so deep inside, we would rather spend the day alone than put up yet another brave front while we're trying to keep it glued together before the dam breaks and a torrent of tears flows out.
I've fled many a Christmas Day conclave for just that reason, crying all the way back to the safety of home and solitude. People say "you should never be alone on Christmas Day." But I never feel alone, and maybe that's because I possess an 'old soul' and never really am alone. For some, difficult to understand, but for me and those like me, even more difficult to explain.
And so I hear "Through the years, we all will be together, if the fates allow ~ hang a shining star upon the highest bough, and have yourself a merry little Christmas now..." and decide to do just that.
Have myself a merry little Christmas. Alone (and safe) with my memories of better times, happy times, the company of a beautiful animal (all of whom possess old souls,) my own ancient spirit, and maybe even a few tears squeezed out to relieve the indescribable pain that is as much a part of 'joy' as a smile.
To all who read this, I wish you a merry little Christmas too...
