Greetings From Planet Paula: My Grandpa's mischievous spirit...

Greetings From Planet Paula: My Grandpa's mischievous spirit...: ...entered my body when he died so young, I just know it. Since I have only two clear memories of him when he had a heart attack (I was 6 ...

Women: Mummify Thy Selves!

Now REALLY!!

 

Defy gravity? Who thought up this one? Great, we can all look 16 again if we just buy this gravity-defying bra (that thing we burned in the Sixties) and wear it every day ~ perky young boobs all thanks to the latest in miracle bras! (Does NASA know about this??)

But what about the rest of it...?

Uh oh...what is THIS?? Oh WOW.....a new-fashioned CORSET ~

just like the ladies of a century+ ago wore to get those 'hour glass' figures...54-04-48, not including bustle. And look, it even has a million little hooks-and-eyes so you can spend even more time sweating as you get dressed. This should be a huge hit when it's 95 degrees outside with matching humidity...

But what about the rest of us? Maybe we can look forward to new (and improved!) products like 'Skin Velcro' so we can haul up our sagging asses by sticking 'em onto the corset. And that, in turn, may pull up the cellulite-pocked thigh flab ~ voila! We are young again! (Just don't go to the beach, look in a mirror, or expect to breathe until you've freed your body of this ridiculous prison.)

As for me? Nah! I'd rather be saggy, baggy, flabby and real, thank you very much.

Besides, I like being an old broad. It's much more comfortable!

Greetings From Planet Paula: The Pros and Cons of Growing Old

Greetings From Planet Paula: The Pros and Cons of Growing Old: Ah, yes, what better breed to illustrate the physical aspects of growing old but the Shar Pei? Sweet little creature with saggy, baggy skin...

Greetings From Planet Paula: Monday Monday, can't trust that day...especially w...

Greetings From Planet Paula: Monday Monday, can't trust that day...especially w...: Dreary time of year, this, but at least it's melting the snow that fell over the weekend (4-6 inches?) Must venture outside, the cupboard is...

Greetings From Planet Paula: And so another week begins...

Greetings From Planet Paula: And so another week begins...

Greetings From Planet Paula: I have come to the conclusion that I was either bo...

Greetings From Planet Paula: I have come to the conclusion that I was either bo...: I have come to the conclusion that I was either born with a soft heart and a head to match. Or a heart that is 500 times bigger than my bra...

Greetings From Planet Paula: Where am I? What century is this?? What planet am ...

Greetings From Planet Paula: Where am I? What century is this?? What planet am ...: Greetings From Planet Paula Today would be the *perfect* day to begin this little page in earnest: I am in one of the pissiest moods of m...

Greetings From Planet Paula: Honey Badger: Perfect NYC Pet

Greetings From Planet Paula: Honey Badger: Perfect NYC Pet: This is a baby honey badger! Unlike those big nasty cobra-larvae-mouse-eating adults made famous by the fabulous Randall, these little cu...

Honey Badger: Perfect NYC Pet

 

This is a baby honey badger! Unlike those big nasty cobra-larvae-mouse-eating adults made famous by the fabulous Randall, these little cuties have not yet learned that yucky stuff and can be easily trained to eat cat or dog or whatever food honey badger needs to survive (sans the skeevy stuff of the wild.)

Imagine walking a honey badger down your gritty NYC street?? Pit bulls will look like toy poodles when your little guy or girl bares its serrated razor-sharp teeth and threatens to eat any offender who dares to come close! Yeah, that's the pet for a tough city.

Adopt a honey badger today and never be afraid again! (Unless you leave your bedroom door open by mistake one night.....) 

Monday Monday, can't trust that day...especially when it's raining too

Dreary time of year, this, but at least it's melting the snow that fell over the weekend (4-6 inches?) Must venture outside, the cupboard is bare. Yuck. I'm not quite a misanthrope but very very close. Never had a lot of patience for people, but animals and nature captured my heart at an early age and that is all I hope for when I have to go outside to ScaryVille.

Dirty, noisy, congested city streets are not my cup of tea. Screaming fire trucks and ambulances and elevated subway tracks hurt my ears. This is one native New Yorker who can live on a farm in the middle of nowhere with nary a problem. Let's hope I won't have to wait until Gate of Heaven Cemetery for a little peace and quiet.

Time to make some doughnuts. Wish I were making the trip with my horse and buggy-wagon on a dirt road all the way to the General Store and back instead...

Later alligators!

Paula-Paulita-Paola di Napoli, et al.

And so another week begins...

I have come to the conclusion that I was either born with a soft heart and a head to match. Or a heart that is 500 times bigger than my brain.

Where am I? What century is this?? What planet am I on...???

• Greetings From Planet Paula

  
  

  Today would be the *perfect* day to begin this little page in earnest: I am in one of the pissiest moods of my life, cannot stand the human race (well, most of it...) have no patience for anything but animals and plants, and would behave like Randall's honey badger* if I dared go outside. So one more trip to the infernal laundry room and it's back to the peace and quiet of my pink and polka dot Planet Paula. And wouldn't you like to know where that is...?? Well, tough shit with that one, because ain't NOBODY allowed here but me and little creatures with four feet and whiskers.

  
  In the zeitgeist, we are in the middle of yet another disgusting political campaign for the highest office in the land and are, once again, presented with the motliest crew of clowns this space cadet has ever seen. Of course, we have to get that 'black guy' out of their all-white-all-the-time White House, so it promises to be a festival of truly embarrassing events lasting all the way through NOVEMBER. I am so happy I have my own planet so I don't have to puke through it with the rest of you. Stock up on Pepto-Bismol, you're gonna need it.
  
  Manic mode today, could probably write the equivalent of 'War & Peace' but that nasty laundry hangs over my head like a GD thunder cloud and then I have to COOK. How annoying! Domesticated little hausfrau I am not. 

  
  

  I really do hate all these exercises in futility, so if President Obama would like to create jobs, there's one right here: Housekeeper. I just need a little bail-out money to pay him/her a *fair* wage. Wow, what a concept ~ an employer with a conscience. Hope springs eternal.
  
  Tutti tutti grazie e amore!

  
  
  * http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg 
  (the FABULOUS Randall's Honey Badger vid clip)