MICK JAGGER WAS RIGHT!

"What a drag it is getting old..."

If the person who coined the brilliant phrase "golden years" is still around, he/she should be pummeled into a state of unconsciousness. More like the "rust years" if you ask me.

Your gears creak and groan, your head decides to shed its hair, sending it to decidedly less attractive places (like your face, ears and nostrils) and the attendant creases and wrinkles of too many suntans and dumb decisions, made during the years of arrogant and cocky youth, slowly wend their way throughout your body until you begin to resemble crepe paper. Oh, and let's not forget that your thickening mid-section slowly turns you into Humpty Dumpty's twin. What's so golden about that?

In addition, varicose veins cause your legs to resemble a map of the NYC subway system. You gain a painful understanding of how and why the expression "old bat" came into being because all you have to do is raise your old arms and flaps fall down, enabling you to fly. Charming. Oh, and let us not forget "old age spots," formerly known as liver spots, appearing all over your body. UGH.

My generation, the infamous Baby Boomers, may take cold comfort from the fact that so many of us are experiencing the same thing simultaneously. And I still think Mick Jagger, James Taylor, Neil Young, et al. are hot sexy guys, even if they continue to command young chicks, perhaps more attracted more to their power/money than their wrinkled countenances, as we old chicks/broads rapidly fade into oblivion.

It is said that "with age comes wisdom." But, if I had my druthers, I'd rather be young and stupid and be able to glance at a mirror and without cringing at the sight.

Easily understood, then, why...

"Mother needs something today to calm her down,
And though she's not really ill, there's a little yellow pill,
She goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper . . .

Doctor please, some more of these,
Outside the door, she took four more
What a drag it is getting old!"

Thanks for the warning, Mick. Too bad we were too young (and dumb) to believe it at the time.

"WEATHERWISE, IT'S SUCH A LOVELY DAY..."

Thanks to Frank Sinatra, Jimmy Van Heusen and Sammy Cahn, that line from "Come Fly With Me" will always be remembered when discussing the weather.

And if there is one thing people around the world have in common, it's weather...cold, hot, miserable or lovely, we all share it, like it or not.

Having just survived a dreadful spell of heat + humidity, while my best friend lives in the 'dry' heat of Arizona, got me thinking about this universal collaboration. I once told another desert-dweller "Well, it's dry heat, so it can't be as bad as humidity, right?" He told me to turn on my oven to 120 degrees, wait 5 minutes and then open the door. "It's still hot, isn't it?"

Well, yeah, but what's better? Dry heat/oven temperature, or slimy humidity that makes your skin feel like it's sliding off into the vat of heated Crisco where your entire body is submerged? Think I'll take the desert.

So, if you're into cool weather, Siberia, Alaska and northern Canada come to mind, to name a few. If you like it hot sans humidity, there's Death Valley, the afore-mentioned Arizona and surrounding states (ie, Texas, Nevada, New Mexico.) If you really do like heated humidity, try southern Florida, Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana, et al. And if you prefer variety, you can find it in California, with its ever-present threat of earthquakes, drought, wildfires/monsoon rains, or New York City and its four seasons of bitter cold, sweltering summers exacerbated by cement and tar-covered streets, and MIA spring/autumn.

"Just say the word and we'll beat the birds down to Acapulco Bay..."

Don't mind if I do!