Or so thought Robert Frost. But I think cinder block and barbed wire make much better ones.
I have recently been verbally assaulted by three different neighbors in my building, something that's been going on since I moved into this place almost 19 years ago. Now I know some may think it's nice to be neighborly and distinctly not nice to be annoyed by people every frigging time I make an appearance ~ be it the laundry room, the mailbox or just trying to walk down the block without being given the third degree ~ but who cares? Not I!
Nosy Neighbors: "Where have you been?? We never see you!"
Well, maybe that's because I try to do everything when you're all either sleeping or at work!
Then there are those captive audience, elevator attempts at conversation...
Weirdo Neighbor: "This elevator is so slow! I see it go alllll the way up to 12 and then alllll the way down to garage before it gets to me on the 8th floor!"
Yeah, well...shit happens. (I was just thinking that but it somehow popped out of my mouth, leaving Weirdo Neighbor visibly stunned by my response.) I simply don't CARE, why should I even pretend interest?
Obnoxious Neighbor: "Why are you always dressed in t-shirts with paint on them? Why don't you wear an apron to stay clean?" Uh, excuse me?? I stepped out to get my MAIL, I'm not attending Fashion Week. And I'm an ARTIST, perhaps I'm working on something at the moment??? Same neighbor: "You must wash your hair a lot, it's always wet!"
Okay, now I'm getting REALLY pissed and snap back: "I SWEAT PROFUSELY WHEN PEOPLE IRRITATE ME."
The best one of all happened in my early years here...
Ear-splitting BOOMING Voice Neighbor: "IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY, YOU SHOULD BE OUTSIDE ENJOYING THE WEATHER!"
This as I'm doubled over with colitis and dragging my ass just to get some laundry done before I collapse into a writhing ball of pain. That's when I totally lost it. In the presence of his wife and children, I coldly responded: "You know what I love most about this co-op, Jerry?"
"NO, WHAT?" came the eardrum-busting response.
"HOW EVERYBODY MINDS THEIR OWN GODDAMNED BUSINESS!"
He made a slight choking sound...I'm not sure if he fainted as the elevator finally arrived and I managed to save my hearing. And my sanity. But I never looked back.
But animals?? Animals are always welcome. Not because they cannot speak, but because they are infinitely more intelligent than the majority of people I know. And ever so much nicer.
