Well, my only true friend, here I am, alone in this tacky big house painted all white (did they ever hear of GOLD??) surrounded by boring and stupid people, and I have no clue as to who they are, what they do, or if they understand that I AM THE KING OF THE UNIVERSE, A-HA! A-HA!
All those people (and PAPERWORK...who knew it would be so complicated?) are why I like to watch television all day long, snacking on whatever isn't nailed down (and don't you be cruel and say anything about my fat ass, or weight!) and reveling in the thought that I, DONALD TRUMP, am now PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, and can do ANYTHING I want to.
Lemme tell you, I got you ALL and BIGLY too. The biggest scam anybody has ever played in the history of the United States, just like Robert DeNiro said, that rat fuck. And fuck HIM too, because I WON. And it was YUUUUGE!! HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. (Funny!)
And as for tough guy DeNiro, if he thinks he can still punch me in the face now that I am the SUPREME COMMANDER, well Bobby...hope you like stripes, you overrated big mouth! (Sad.)
Well, Dear Diary, someone is bothering me and interrupting my CNN obsession (FAKE NEWS, FAKE NEWS!!) so I hafta to and see what it is THIS time. Are Bannon and my lame-ass son-in-law fist-fighting yet? Is that little mental case Spicey having it out with the press again, is Kellyanne still in the ladies room with 500 pounds of make-up and a prayer book? Do I have to drop another trillion-ton bomb to get the FBI off my back about the Russkis? TSK! So ANNOYING.
Think I'll have some chocolate cake, it's only 5,000 calories per slice. I'll work it off when I go golfing in exactly 4 days, 18 hours, and 12 minutes from now...
