Without going into gory detail, suffice it to say that 2014 is one year I will never look back on without cringing in horror. All the rose-colored glasses in the universe could not paint a pretty picture of it (note the charming pink background of the pictured dumpster...see? Doesn't make a difference in perception now, does it?)
From shattered friendships to gutted dreams, broken promises to egregious lies, accompanied by the rudest awakenings possible, I floundered my way through 365 days and somehow survived on the other side, intact but bearing scars that will forever remind me of my own supremely stupid decisions...for I, and I alone, must take 'credit' for making a mess of my life and casting common sense to the wind in the process. I traveled to the edge of hell but I made it back.
"But Paula, we all make mistakes" was the refrain I heard most from well-intentioned people. Yeah, I guess so...but when you make them at a tender age, it's a hell of a lot easier to live with the often disastrous consequences. Making mistakes at a somewhat advanced age is entirely another story, and you don't get a whole lot of time to correct them, so you're stuck with the aftermath and the picking up of pieces that are fragile and don't glue back into place so easily.
What, you ask, could you possibly have done that resulted in such a debacle? I'll never tell. And if I do, some day, decide to pour out the toxic details, it will be under the guise of fiction with an assumed name. (More like science fiction with a touch of macabre, if you really want to know.)
But here I am, in a new locale, far from "home" and on the brink of a brand-new year, and to quote Elton John, still standing. And if "every knock is a boost" then I am way up the ladder and ready to take on anything at this point in time. Why, I almost feel invincible.
So, welcome 2015, and don't expect any Casper Milquetoasts in this corner. I survived your bitch of a now-dead sibling, and I will survive you too.
And, unless I drop dead in the interim, I expect to still be standing 364 days from now...battered, bruised, but intact. So bring it on, 2015, and we'll see who wins in the end! Because "I ain't afraid of no ghosts" and I certainly ain't afraid of you.
