If anyone caught a glimpse of Bernadette Peters hosting "Downton Abbey Rediscovered" last month, was it as difficult to watch as it was for me? Face utterly frozen EXCEPT for the lower jaw, enabling her lips to squeeze out some words as the rest of her face just sat there, unmoved and unmoving.
"C'mon, Bernadette, you can do it, c'mon, move those facial muscles!"
Don't these talented, accomplished women realize they look just.like.puppets??
Not to mention that it took about 25 Nutrisystem commercials before I realized that their spokeswoman "Marie" was none other than Marie Osmond! Wait...what happened to her old face? Did she exchange it for a brand-new one, discarding all vestiges of her former (pretty) countenance?
We lost Joan Rivers this year, the self-admitted Queen of Plastic Surgery. But at least Miss Rivers was brutally honest about it and poked fun at her own excesses: "If I have one more face-lift, my belly button will be on top of my head!" Rest in peace, Joan, you truly were one of a kind even if your face was in multiples.
And the last time I saw Cher as a presenter on an awards show, the camera was so far away, I needed a telescope to actually see her face. Cher, the natural beauty with those adorably crooked front teeth, perfectly fine lips and a nose that needed no improving, had to spoil it all by subjecting herself to an orthodontist, plastic surgeon and fish-lip injections, turning her into just another Hollywood puppet-head. Cher, don't you realize that all those girls who wanted to look just like you back in the Sixties are now IN their sixties and know that you are too? Hell, I'd still want to look like you, minus any and all work you may have had done.
Now I'm not saying that, if I had the money, I wouldn't indulge in a little puppet-headry myself...an eye tuck would be grand so I could wear eye makeup again without looking like the shades are pulled down to my lower lid. And I might even go for one face-lift, if only to tighten up the saggy-baggy look of droopy jowls now plaguing my lower jaw. But I'd definitely stop at one, no more! Who am I kidding? I'm two years away from 70 and have no intention of even attempting to look a day under 50. I always wanted to "age gracefully" but now that the process is in full swing, well...
All of this insanity makes me wonder if Charlie McCarthy had a slew of illegitimate children back in the day who are now invading Hollywood en masse, and avenging old Charlie for any perceived injustices?
Break out the Botox, kids, and have a ball!
